


Dinner Preparations

by LittleSketch



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, M/M, Pidge and hunk matchmakers, this was really fun to write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 19:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11192169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSketch/pseuds/LittleSketch
Summary: Shiro and Allura are out to the Balmera to get some extra crystals for storage, so the paladins plan to make Allura a human dinner to show her human culture. Pidge and Hunk, however, have different plans for Lance and Keith.





	Dinner Preparations

“C,mon guys, we only have a few hours before Shiro and Allura get back. Quit bickering and get to work,” Pidge reprimanded the trio of paladins standing before her. The yellow paladin sat at the table all alone, too busy stuffing his gullet with food goo. All the while the temperamental blue and red paladins stood next to the couch, arguing over who is a better pilot.

 

Pidge grew quickly tired of all the arguing, they were determined to have their plan work. There was no way their stats could be wrong, it had staggering 98.16% chance for success. They grabbed their bayard that was resting on the table, aiming it directly between the arguing pairs face. They shot, earning a startled yelp from Lance and a stern look with his eyebrows furrowed from Keith.

 

“Pidge! Are you  _ trying _ to kill us here?” Lance yelled, gaining the attention of Hunk. Glancing over to the pair for only a moment, Hunk quickly returned to the plate of food goo he possessed. Keith said nothing, but his face reflected the same question.

 

“No, I’m just trying to get your dumbass’ attention! Allura has done so much for us, and we are  _ not  _ messing up her first human meal.” 

 

Hunk instantly perked up at the mention of his favorite word, “food? Human food? I’m interested.” Pidge grabbed their temple, annoyed that they had to explain this plan to the trio for a third time. At least now they had everyone’s attention. 

 

“Okay. Allura and Shiro are visiting the Balmera to see if they’d be willing to donate crystals in case of a malfunction, something we can’t avoid at this point. So, because Allura has done so much for us in the months we’ve been battling, and we finally have her out of the castle, we should make her a human dinner to show her our culture. You know she’d love to learn more about us.”

 

Lance immediately agreed to the suggested idea. “Fine, but I get to be the chef. You guys should know that I’m  _ practically  _ Gordon Ramsay.” Lance gave off one of his signature smiles, completely full of himself. 

 

“What? You can barely manage to not burn instant ramen. You forget I lived alone, I made my own food for a year. I’ll take over the cooking.” Keith remarked with his arms crossed, eyebrows questioning.

 

“Pssh, I’ve watched the cooking channel enough to call myself a master. I think  _ I’ll  _ take over the cooking.” Lance retorted.

 

“Fuck it. Lance and Keith, you two go to the kitchen and debate there. Hunk and I will clean up the castle and prepare the dining room. I don’t want to hear anymore arguing, we’re  _ not  _ going to fuck it up.” Lance pouted, but the glare Pidge gave him was enough to make even Zarkon shake in his boots.

 

“Fine… first one to the kitchen gets first choice!” Lance immediately jumped up from the couch, sprinting as fast as he could to the kitchen.

 

“What the hell?! This isn’t a race!” Keith yelled back, running after him. Pidge began grinning from ear to ear, being able to predict everything from the beginning.

 

“See, I told you my calculations were never off. I managed to get them both out of here in three minutes, you have to clean my room for a week.” Hunk audibly sighed, dropping the rest of his food to his plate.

 

“I didn’t think it was possible,” Hunk’s face stays somber but instantly lights up, “but wasn’t my acting great?!” He questions, so proud of himself.

 

“You literally only said five words,” Pidge jumps onto Hunk’s shoulders, valiantly pointing their finger down the hall, “onward to the control room!” Being used to the added weight, Hunk laughed and bolted in the direction of the pointed finger.

 

\-----

 

“First one to the kitchen gets first choice!” Lance hoisted his lanky body over the couch and began bolting it to the kitchen. He had three advantages in this race. First, his long ass legs made his steps wider than anyone else's on the team. Second, he excluded the countdown from the race’s initial announcement. Lastly, Keith was focusing too hard on Pidge’s plan to realize they were racing.  _ Silly Keith.  _ Lance thought to himself.  _ That mullet is probably blocking all forms of race-comprehension. _ In the distance Lance could hear Keith call out angrily, causing Lance to let out a hearty laugh in response. Bickering with Keith was one of his favorite pass-times, but making him run after Lance was a new experience. 

 

Keith eventually caught up to Lance who was leaning on the doorframe to the kitchen. “Awee Keith! You came running after me! How sweet~” Lance purred at Keith, displaying an almost cat like face. Keith deadpanned in response. 

 

“You wish. Let’s get the food over with so I can go train.” Keith retorted, swifting walking past Lance. Keith retrieves an apron and begins to put his hair with a ponytail he fished from his pocket. Lance glanced around the kitchen, not knowing how to use any of the Altean equipment. This would be harder than he thought.

 

“Keith, pal, you’re kidding me right? It looks like you’re wearing a dress, and now you have your hair up. Is there something you’re not telling us?” Lance shot Keith a mischievous grin, receiving a sigh and a quirked eyebrow from Keith.

 

“Have you seriously never taken a cooking class? If you don’t want hair in your food, you have to put your hair up. If you don’t want food on your clothes, you put on an apron.”

“ _ Oh my god _ , you even took a cooking class? Now there’s really something you’re not telling us Keith,” Lance mocks.

 

Keith looks away, rinsing the soap suds off his hands. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Can you check if there’s any Earth cookbooks in here?”

 

“Aye, aye, captain!” Lance salutes to Keith, doing so with his left hand. He prances over to the wall and begins to sort through the bookshelves that covered the room.

 

“Nice try cadet, but you’re supposed to do that with your right hand.” Keith smirked as he grabbed the bags of human food and sorted it by vegetables, grains, fruits, meat, and dairy. Just for fun, he made it like those stupid “healthy food plate” posters that used to be in elementary schools. Looking at his available materials, he began thinking of all possible dishes he could create with the resources provided. 

 

Keith hears a childish “ooooo” from across the room, which captures his attention. Lance was obviously interested in something he found, but his tall form blocked whatever it was from Keith’s view. Lance turns around, holding what looked like a large bottle of liquid in his hand. Lance removes its cap, giving it a quick whiff. 

 

“Juniberry soda maybe? Keith, smell this.” Lance offers it to Keith, but Keith pushes it away. Lance fakes a pout, and begins to cradle the bottle in his arms.

 

“Unlike you, I don’t go sticking my nose in random things on an alien ship. Besides, if we don’t get this done quick, Pidge will have both of our heads mounted on their wall as a decoration.” 

 

“Oh c’mon Keith, live a little~ I’m sure Allura and Shiro are gonna get all sidetracked alone in a space podddd with no one else arouuuund, anyway.”

 

Keith gives out a snort, turning around to continue sorting through the food. “How come I always have to be the responsible one?” He mumbles to himself. Keith sighs,  before he can finish organizing everything, he hears a gulp from behind him.”

 

“Oooo, that is definitely juniberry! Keith, you just  _ gotta  _ try this, it’s all warm and bubbly.” Lance takes another swig, carelessly spilling some on his shirt. The red liquid surprisingly doesn’t stain his blue shirt.

 

“Jesus, Lance! Do you even have any clue what that is?” Keith shouted, “for all you know that could be poison!”

“Hopefully not, all the labels are in Altean. Now that I think about it, I’m getting a strawberry vibe from this,” Lance says as he takes another sip.

Keith facepalms, but he reluctantly takes the bottle from Lance. “Fuck it, if we’re going down, we’ll go down together.” Keith takes a small sip, and the vibrant flavor coats his tongue instantly. It would be a sin to make something so delicious into poison. The flavors danced on his tongue, and he found himself unable to take another sip. He could feel it slide down his throat, giving him a warm feeling that made his cheeks flush. He observed the same thing happening to Lance.

 

Lance starts laughing uncontrollably, “Keith, I  _ know  _ I’m pretty, but I didn’t know you felt that way about me. You’re blushing like a horny teenager.” Lance continues his laugh, and ends up hunched over the kitchen island.

 

Keith throws a disgusted face at Lance, he tries to give a stern response, but he begins to stutter. Whatever they drank was a lot stronger than expected. “Shut your fuck up,  _ I’m _ the prettiest,  _ you’re _ blushing harder than I am, and  _ we _ need to get to work.” Keith wobbly points to himself, and turns his heel back to the food. It’s been ten minutes and they don’t even know what the fuck they’re going to make.

 

Keith sets up a game plan, since Lance was busy making carrots battle each other on the floor. Keith unofficially decides to make chocolate pudding, since it was the easiest to make and remember. He struggles to mix the required ingredients together, nearly dropping it on the island multiple times. The sounds of the “pew pew” coming from the carrot’s laser rifles (or Lance’s mouth) irked him to no end. 

 

After mixing everything, Keith confidently brings the entire bowl over to Lance. “Lance, tell me what you think.” By some miracle of God, the carrots end their centuries long battle and create an ancient peace treaty. Lance kidnaps one of the carrots and dips it into the nearly done pudding, taking a bite through it.

 

“It’s a little salty.” Lance says through a full mouth.

 

“Wha...? There’s no way I could’ve messed that up.” Keith dips in a finger and tries it out himself, absolutely disgusted by the taste. He runs over to the sink and spits it out, realizing that he put in salt instead of sugar.

 

“Fuck! Pidge didn’t get enough sugar so I could redo that. W-what am I supposed to do about dessert now?”

 

“It’s alright babe, making mistakes is a-o-kay.” Lance clicks his tongue, making an okay symbol with his hands. “Keith, have you seen how skinny Allura is? I doubt she’d wanna eat dessert anyway.”

 

Keith’s cheeks grew a deeper shade of red, he could feel the back of his neck heating up. _Did Lance McClain_ _seriously just call him babe?_

 

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Keith slowly questions, once again stuttering in the process. He realizes quickly that whatever they drank gave effects startlingly similar to alcohol.

 

“Uh... Keith?” Lance says innocently as his half eaten carrot spaceship swoops through the air.

 

“No, before that... Actually, never mind. Let’s just get started on the entree, and I’m  _ not  _ doing all the work this time.”

 

Keith and Lance immediately begin the main dish. As they progress through, they start to feel the effects of the drink more and more. They struggle through chicken parmesan, their attempt leading to an epic failure. Some of it was burned, some was undercooked. Other pieces ended up plastering the walls and coating their clothing, despite the protective aprons they wore.

 

“Geez, Keith. If you wannnaaaa become a good wifey one day, you’re gonna have to get better at cooking!” Normally Keith would make a snarky comment, but actions are stronger than words. Keith retrieves a piece of burnt chicken, hurling it directly into Lance’s face. Lance shrieks in agony.

 

“FUCK, KEITH, MY PORES! This is so bad for my skin. I’M GOING BLIND!” Lance falls to the floor, whimpering and clutching his face. Keith rolls his eyes, used to Lance’s over reactions. He walks over to Lance, observing the damage.

 

“Get upppp Lance, it’s not a big deal. Quit crying and stand up already.” Lance turns solemn and silent, using his eyes to reach into Keith’s soul. With faster reflexes than he’s ever seen, Lance grabs the chicken he was assaulted with and launches it into Keith’s face. Keith is momentarily distracted and Lance does a barrel roll in the opposite direction.

 

“Jesus, Lance, it was a joke! Don’t be so immature.” Keith says as he struggles to wipe the sauce off his face.

 

“You may have woN THE BATTLE, BUT NOT THE WAR!” Lance screeches, taking cover near the pantry. He grabs his ammunition, equipping himself with the Altean equivalent of whip cream. Swiftly, Lance shook the can while still taking cover. He sprung up and began sprinting towards Keith. While running, he flicked the cap of the can off with his thumb and covered his hand with the cream. Keith, distracted by the previous attack, was left wide open. Lance struck Keith on the face with the whipped cream and smeared it all over his cheek before spreading it onto his nose, then over his closed eyes.

 

Keith let out a shriek of his own as he swears revenge. Unable to see, he tackles Lance to the ground. Both of them struggle on the floor, which ends with Lance on top of Keith, pinning him down. Lance laughs with victory, holding both of Keith’s wrists to the kitchen floor. Keith struggled to free his hands, since Lance was surprisingly much stronger. He tries kicking his legs, but it doesn’t help. The drink seemed to be affecting his strength as well. Keith was afraid to open his eyes in fear of the whip cream stinging him.

 

Lance continued laughing as he pinned him down, but he abruptly stops. Keith was unsure if he should insult him or make a snarky comment. Keith tried his best to think about anything other than how Lance was on top of him. He was hyper aware of Lance’s weight that pressed down on his torso. His breathing hitched and he brought his face to the side as he felt the taller boy lean down.

 

“I win~” Lance purrs directly into his ear. Goosebumps develop down Keith’s neck and back as he feels Lance’s breath against his ear. He felt as if he were suffocating beneath him, and it wasn’t because Lance was sitting on him.

 

“Hey, hey, y-you only got me b-because I can’t see! G-get the fuck off of me already!” Keith was unsure how to respond with anything other than anger, even though anger was nothing like what he actually felt. It was more of a warm feeling that spread throughout his face and chest. He could tell that his face was glowing neon red as he melted under Lance. Keith had always been private about his sexuality, but he couldn’t believe that it was Lance  _ fucking _  McClain that brought it out of him. He’d been debating telling the team about his homosexuality for awhile now, but he didn’t want them to think differently about him.

 

A silence lingered for only a second, but Keith could feel that silence stretch out so far it felt like an eternity. 

 

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that.” Lance removes himself from Keith, in the process he grabs Keith’s hand to hoist him up. Keith can’t help but wish that he didn’t get, that he did something else. Lance puts a towel into Keith’s hands, due to the blinding whip cream that stuck to his face. Keith is unsure what to say, and remains silent in fear of saying the wrong thing. After he cleans himself up, Keith sees Lance standing to the side of him, unable to make eye contact.

 

“Hey, Lance, I-” Hunk burst through the kitchen doors with all his might, cutting off Keith’s thoughts while maintaining his normal friendly cheer. 

 

“How’s the cooking… going…” Hunk looks around the kitchen, his mortified appearance explaining everything. “No, no, this is NOT going to work! You have destroyed pure  _ art,  _ pure  _ culture! _ Why is there chicken  _ on the ceiling?”  _ Hunk gestures wildly as he interrogates the duo.

 

Lance completely alters his face, as if he became a new person. “You know, Hunky Munky, I was trying to fiiiigure that out as well.” Hunk fills in for Shiro, becoming the residental Mom. He picks Lance up, throwing him over his shoulder. Lance flails around a bit, but accepts defeat in the large man's arms.

 

“Oh no, save me Keith!” Lance yells, dramatically reaching a hand towards Keith. Despite all the thoughts in his mind, Keith can’t hold back a laugh. He follows Hunk out of the room, only after receiving a concerned look from Hunk. Keith had only ever seen that look come from Shiro, but he still knew exactly what it meant. He kept his mouth shut as he walked out.

 

“We’re putting you two on dining hall duty, I don’t even know if my expert knowledge of the culinary arts can save us now!” Once they arrive, Hunk drops Lance to the floor at the very end of the vast dining hall. In an attempt to get Hunk to change his mind, Lance threw a pout and puppy dog eyes in the direction of Hunk. Keith rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but be amused by the exchange.

 

Hunk dramatically smirked, knowing exactly what cards to play. “You cannot pull that on me, for  _ I  _ am the master of it!” Hunk replied with his own puppy dog eyes. His speech skill was obviously much more advanced than Lance’s, so Lance gave in.

 

“Fine. I guess we can fix up the dining hall. What do you even want us to do, anyway?” Keith answered, not wanting to seem mute. Hunk stayed silent for a moment, as if he didn’t even know the answer to that.

 

“Uh, you know, just set the table and hang up the rest of the decorations. I’ll get started on the food and check up on you two soon.” Hunk sped up his words near the end of his sentence and walked off, not looking back.

 

“Hey! That doesn’t exactly help us here! What decorations?” Keith yells out, but by the time he finishes, Hunk had already escaped the dining hall. Lance was still sprawled out across the floor, appearing to be taking a nap. Keith, extremely annoyed, drug his hands through his hair. It was difficult to think, or to do anything, the drink’s effects still lingering in his system.

 

The lights begin to flicker, and immediately shut off. It was nearly pitch black, Keith only being about to see a few feet in any direction.

 

Keith runs to where he thinks the door is, but only manages to trip over a chair leg. “Hunk, you’re not funny!” Keith feels an anxiety set over him, feeling completely suffocated by the darkness surrounding and coating him. He wants to hyperventilate, but can’t seem to find the air in his lungs. Keith was afraid of few things, and as irrational as it was, darkness was one of them.

 

In the distance, doors being slammed shut was heard, along with a winding down sound. An unknown voice appeared over the space ships intercom.

 

“ _ System failure.” _

 

_ Fuck. _

**Author's Note:**

> OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
> 
> I have a co-writer but she doesn't have an AO3 account yet, but she'll be added when she gets one!  
> We hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Let us know if you want more chapters soon <3
> 
> Follow my Instagram!  
> @_.littlecrystal._
> 
> Thanks again! <3  
> -Crystal


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